I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
no more duck duck goose at the bar
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I got inside last night via doggy door
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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