i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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