Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
