Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize