I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
