We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
