I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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