Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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