My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
