She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize