There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
