I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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