so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
