I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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