I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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