Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
