im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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