Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I think your dad took our porno
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
