i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My vagina just clenched in fear
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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