Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
