I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I want to fling myself into the sun
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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