Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
