she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
