I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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