i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
