i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize