Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
