Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
