Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
