half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
