Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
