I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
