Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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