i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
