I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
