Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
