he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
