Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
