we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
