how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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