ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
organizing the empties. That sober.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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