I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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