ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
