Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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