There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
