Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
how does that bad decision feel?
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