Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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