the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
