I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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