thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
