The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
