Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
