nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
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