party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize