arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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