the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
