I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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