I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
