Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
