And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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