Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The adults are the big ones right?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
