How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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