I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Randomize
