On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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