I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
