I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
