Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize