why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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